Motivation

Abuse has a way of bringing you to your knees.  There is a lot of dysfunction that comes with abuse.  Going through the abuse is almost easier than going through recovery and rebuilding your life.   Being a vulnerable and dysfunctional person usually means failure in life.  Like being in and out of jail or drug addiction.  There is also a lot of everyday challenges you will face on top of your dysfunction.  It can all seem too overwhelming, sadly many give up.  I was determined to be a success and not end up like my father, make it out of poverty and become a happy, high functioning member of society.  I’ve had to stay motivated over decades to start to see my dreams come true and see any real changes.  There’s times I wanted to give up.  It got so dark I wanted to die.  I’ve thought about killing myself more times than I can remember.  There were times I couldn’t get out of bed for 2-3 days.  In my darkest hour I absolutely lost all motivation and hope.  That’s a scary place to be.  I was absolutely lost.  But I’ve also had a lot of success in life.  I was an all conference football player, a decorated military veteran, a college graduate with a 3.78 gpa and a successful graphic designer making designs for, most notably, the Miami Dolphins.  How did I do it?  Motivation was the key.  I don’t believe I’m the smartest, most confident or most talented.  But I will out work my competition.  I will find my edge in what makes me perform better, do better and become better.  That’s been the difference.  My determination.  My persistence.  My unrelenting vision I’ve carried for my life for what I can accomplish and be.  First lets start off on what motivation is.  I’ll be honest this has been difficult for me.  I still have problems getting myself out of bed in the morning and getting my day started.  Motivation has eluded me at times.  Ambition is one thing but to put it into action can almost seem impossible.  There’s a lot of books out there on success and motivation.  There are tons of self development gurus out there that cover the topic as well.  Some are worth checking out.  But mostly they give you a big pep talk to get you to realize your potential and basically work towards success in every area of your life then you will be as happy as they are, all the time.  That’s basically what they sell you.  First of all if you are working towards success in every area of your life then you are already motivated.  That’s not advice that gets people off the couch.  Secondly, it’s not an accurate depiction of reality.  They sell you the American dream, that if you work hard and follow your dreams then you will make it.  One day everything will be roses, you’ll be constantly happy, energized and overly enthusiastic.  I wish this was the case, unfortunately it’s a fantasy that keeps people in the rat race.  You never really make it in life.  Life just presents a new set of challenges each step of the way.  Life is about managing ups and downs effectively.  It’s about keeping moving no matter how challenging things seem and how hard reality gets.  Life doesn’t get easier.  You are continuously leveling up to a harder challenge.  I’ve put together some strategies and principles to live by that will help you in long term motivation.  It’s things I’ve learned and done to give me motivation and confidence on every level.  It’s the type of motivation that can help you overcome fear, resistance and maintain a healthy focus no matter what happens.  It’s motivation to turn you into a beast on your path to recovery and success. 

Get your mind right

Avoid escapism and limit distractions.  Don’t wish for things to be easier.  Accept reality.  That’s the only way you can begin to change it.  Is to have a good grip on it.  To be fully committed to what you’re already committed to.  If you’re detached from reality it can lead to apathy and being on autopilot, in zombie mode.  All the days seem to blend together and you lower the bar to survival and mediocrity.  You won’t be motivated beyond doing the minimal you need to do to get by.  And when things get real you will be blindsided by life.

Getting Started

This can be the hardest part, especially when facing a big project.  It’s easier to start by setting a small goal and then let your talent take over.  Have no expectations of what you can accomplish.  You don’t know what you’re capable of and you will surprise yourself.  Don’t overthink the project, just get started.  Limit your thinking, analysis and planning and just jump into it.

Vision

I’ve been blessed to have incredible vision for my life.  When I was 15 I knew I wanted to be a graphic designer.  It just hit me one day.  It was kind of weird.  I just knew knew it was going to happen, there was no doubt or nervousness.  Since that day I never doubted I would be a successful designer.  I was lucky to find my calling at such a young age.  That’s helped me stay focused when presented with other options and opportunities.  I know better.  I know to stay committed to graphic design.  It made it easy to get started and overcome all the obstacles on the way.  I knew where I was going since I had a map.  My vision was to graduate high school, join the military to pay for college. Become a graphic designer and make a lot of money working for myself.  When times were hard and dark my vision helped pull me through.  I would just refer to my vision and get back to making it happen.  So find your calling.  Find your life purpose.  What is interesting to you?  What gets you excited?  What do you have a deep connection to?  What inspires you?  Don’t settle.  People always told me not to try to be a graphic designer.  It’s too hard to make money in art they said.  Go get a good job (that you probably hate) to have stability in life.  There’s people I know that have done that and they are miserable.  They even tell me they hate their job.  Wow, what a miserable life.  It’s been hard becoming a graphic designer but I can tell you I never worked a day in my life.  It’s almost a hobby to me, I have fun doing it and it’s led to cool things for me like meeting NFL athletes.  Finding your calling is about being authentic and taking real risks and not just doing what others tell you or what seems safe.  It’s a deep belief of what your purpose is.  Doing what you’re passionate about will inspire you to learn and grow all while being satisfied with your life.  I won’t sit on my rocker when I’m old with regrets.  I did what I was meant to do and didn’t back down and settle for someone else’s life.

Attitude

Having a good attitude is vital to success.  It can help you manage the ups and downs in life.  It can keep you on track when things are going wrong.  It can help bring stability to life when things are uncertain.  Your attitude is an anchor for your thoughts and feelings.  If your attitude is positive your thoughts and feelings will follow it.  A good attitude is the beginning of handling adversity effectively.  It’s the beginning of mind over matter.  One of the first things my football coach taught us was to be a class act.  Basically to have a good attitude no matter what happens.  To have good sportsmanship.  To not come over to the sidelines and throw your helmet at the bench (like I did once) when things aren’t going your way on the field.  Why did this work so well?  Well when you have a bad attitude your thoughts and feelings follow, you feel bad about yourself and life so you don’t perform as well.  One of the biggest keys to football and life is how you handle adversity.  How you respond to what happens.  The other team scores, you experience a setback.  What you do next determines your success.  The team that answers a touchdown with a touchdown has considered to overcome adversity.  It’s mind over matter.  It’s about not getting down when things are not in your favor.  That’s how character is built.  You know you can take some losses and setbacks but you will make a comeback.  That’s keeping your head in the game and realizing your full potential when it is hard.

Handling Problems

Handling problems effectively is another form of overcoming adversity and winning. Don’t dwell on problems.  Problems are temporary.  Rather acknowledge problems and look for solutions.  When you screw up take accountability for what is under your control.  It means you acknowledge there is a problem, step one in finding a solution.  Not taking accountability makes you helpless.  It’s like saying you don’t have control over your own actions.  You can’t accomplish much if you don’t think you’re in control of your own actions.  My father never took accountability for his life.  He would always tell me how everyone was out to get him.  Even in his suicide note he blamed everyone else for his own suicide.  What an insane thought.  He never took responsibility for his own actions.  He never stepped up in life.  He was determined to take the easy way out and was ultimately a huge failure. 

Develop a sense of humor

Smile and laugh a lot, even if you have to force it.  Develop your sense of humor in any given situation.  This will help you cope.  This helps you overcome adversity.  If you’re relatively happy you’ll have more of a reason to move forward.  Depressed people have little motivation and are more apt to give up and move backwards.

Support

Support might be the most important aspect of long term motivation.  A support group like friends and family can help keep you mentally healthy and brave along your journey.  They can help you find solutions that you can’t see.  They can give you different perspectives.  They can help you cope with difficult things in life.  They can push you to become great.  Get more involved and encourage others.  This is the most effective way to build a support group no matter where you are.  Find people you can be real with.  I don’t have a lot of friends, I’m a really introverted person.  But the friends I do have I have been really real with.  I open up and share my life.  I put it out there.  It’s freeing to truly be yourself.  The result  is really tight bonds with my friends.  They listen to me and support me.  We have each other’s backs.  We ride and die together.  It’s comforting to know you’re accepted for who you are.  Forget the people that don’t get you.  You weren’t meant to be everyone’s friend.  

Conclusion

Life is hard.  It’s a rollercoaster ride.  There’s a lot of ups and downs.  Motivation and confidence goes up and down no matter how hard you work.  You never really figure it out 100%.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other, find what works for you and move forward and succeed.  

Are people who have been abused marginalized by society?

People who have been abused usually have a lot of problems through their lives like mental illness, work/financial problems, relational problems and addiction. Its plain harder for us to function in society than the person who was never abused.  That means we are different on many levels.  Being different in society has historically has not faired well for the minority.  Abused people generally have more vulnerabilities than average people making them more of a target for bullying and various forms of controlling mental abuse, further marginalizing them.    Why do we have this dynamic?  This is a tough question to ask. Its like asking why does bullying exist or terrorism exist in the world.  Why have people been treated by other people so historically bad?  Is it a sociological question? A spiritual one?  Some warped form of a survival instinct maybe?  Are people just evil?   It makes no sense to one who has a relatively good heart and conscious.  I believe it stems from a psychological need for us to have power and control over others.  Thats where it starts.  Abuse starts in the mind, effects the mind and grows and stems out into the world creating monsters.  It makes it hard to say society is good when abuse is historically systemized for the strong in control to benefit in one way or another.  Is it in our nature to abuse each other then? Yes. It's also in our nature to love one another and lift people up and support them. Abuse is a brutal and ignorant survival instinct.  Loving and supporting one another is a more advanced way of living that requires more effort and is less immediate.  One is the easy way. One is the hard way.  One is fear based and one is love based. There is more control in fear and virtually no control in love but there is peace ultimately.  Does this mean fear is stronger than love?  This poses another complex question and answer.  In my experience fear is stronger than love.  Fear has dominated my world most my life.  I was abused by my father most of my childhood physically, mentally and sexually.  He wouldn't let me speak.  And guess what, no one ever did anything about it.  Even my mother sat and watched for years even denying what was right in front of her face.  The streets were dangerous, criminals ran things and the good people stayed at home.  I've been shot at, jumped and harassed many times.  The system treated me poorly and I saw the privileged succeed more than we did.  People never seemed to listen to me until I become angry, using fear myself.  Fear seems to be running the world today as terrorism and bullying runs rampant. From my view point fear is winning.  Love seems like a distant force never utilized, some kind of lost art.  Love seems to have never ran anything in history and thats why the abused will always be marginalized until something changes.  Choose to love rather than fear.  Love yourself and love each other. Stand up for yourself and others in love and peace, friends. We have to stick together. Maybe one day we’ll see a change in this world and society.